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My Bathroom is a Portal to Another Dimension

Items are disappearing in the bathroom.

My downstairs restroom is a portal to another dimension. I usually keep a book or two there (for study purposes) and a while ago ago my current book by Bill Bryson disappeared. Vanished. It was there, then it wasn't.

A different version of that happened earlier – first, my bottle of mouthwash wasn't there – I still had my toothbrush, though I have to report my toothpaste had also been transported to another dimension. So now I had a toothbrush with no toothpaste ( why aren't they called teethpaste/teethbrush - are we expected to pick one tooth and brush only that one? ) So I repaired into the kitchen to get the salt to brush my chosen tooth. When finished I carefully put the salt right where I could get it later, on the washbasin. It too disappeared.

Of course,  the bright idea struck – if my bathroom is truly a portal to another dimension, can I send Destructo Cat there! ? Unfortunately, the other dimension did not want him – even though I'd brushed his teeth with salt and MY teethbrush!

Then my teethpaste turned up! It had been moved by my wife to a different location in the bathroom. When I asked why she'd moved it she absently replied something about needing a small amount of teethpaste to add more white to the toilet – but she'd replaced my teethbrush in it's usual holder, ( what the heck does that mean – my teethbrush is also the toilet brush?) then she'd just left the teethpaste on top of the toilet tank buried in all my shaving supplies – shaving brush and mug ( with soap guaranteed by a cooing model on T.V. to improve my sex life – now maybe with the model that might be true, but - - ) razor, various used bottles of after shave with one or two drops left I'm still trying to extract, plus my beer bottle – we guys always have to have a beer bottle around somewhere, you never know when one might be useful – I just happen to keep mine in the bathroom.

So that explained the mystery of the missing teethpaste. But the mouthwash? And the book? Last weekend was a busy time for the grandson living with us - and we were doing our best to support him by attending all his events, both my wife and I with books to while away the time between events, when I noticed she was reading my missing book! She explained she'd “found it” but when pressed discovered tunnel amnesia - similar to a waiters tunnel vision - had set in so couldn't remember where she'd “found” it! Um, yeah - - ?

Now a few days later, I find a completely different bottle of mouthwash has somehow appeared in my bathroom! Very confusing - - . I ask my wife, “wife, do you know what happened to my original mouthwash?” Silence. Grumble grumble again, different question - “Wife, do you know anything about this new mouthwash?” Her comment “what are you talking about?” OK – it wasn't her. The grandson came by later - “hey grampa, howja like the new mouthwash?” Then, after a tense few minutes I learned the original had disappeared because grandson had decided, with out checking to swap mouthwashes as my original was bigger and more people were using it upstairs!

As both my wife and grandkid seem to feel free to just take anything they want from the old guy – w/o asking, I've resigned myself to the fact my bathroom is NOT a portal to another dimension – and it's not MY bathroom, either – it's a storage place where others go to purloin my stuff.

That doesn't bother me too much, though I am chagrined I can't send Destructo Cat to another dimension. Even with his sparkly white fangs!

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