Quiet Night with the Cat - #$%@!!#!

Why I do NOT care for cats - a partial description

 Waking in the middle of the night – what's that noise? Rhythmic, sighing – ah, it's Luke, our beagle, snoring! Next to him, also snoring is Destructo cat – though in his case he's faking – I hear a few cat snickers. Now I'm awake – Luke's snoring is not really loud, just unnerving a bit – especially when he's dreaming and whimpering a little. But snickers from Destructo – now THAT'S a fire alarm siren in my tired head!

 Better, ugh, sit up and keep an eye on him – the damn cat could be planning an attack on our fridge, or, say, Fort Knox! Ugh, finally up and – panic! Destructo is not in sight! Gotta find the rascal & isolate him in the laundry room! Luke! Wake up, we've gotta find Destructo! And horror of horrors, his Super Cat mask and cape is also gone! Oh no!

 Luke, ever vigilant, manages to open one eye, with no other visible sign of movement. The eye stares at nothing, the lid droops, closes - I'm facing this crises alone! Now thoroughly awake and panicked, listening, looking.

 Barely audible noise in next room – get up take a look. A – HA! Destructo in “innocent kitty mode” - is NOT fooling ME! Especially wearing his Super Cat outfit! Why is his left ear pointed almost behind him? Hmmm – Better check. Aaghhh! Books on the floor, papers scattered! Water dish upended, all getting wet! Destructo, when I catch you – and I will - you're cat meat!

 Destructo watching calmly, licking a paw. Mess cleaned up, kittycide in mind start toward Destructo who instantly vaporizes. $#%!@# cat! Walk through dark house with laser pointer as teaser. Destructo pounces from nowhere on laser point. Grab Destructo by his cape, who promptly bites the hand that feeds him! Get him to laundry, slam door. Loud crash inside. Will NOT open door to check!

A couple fingers of “Ol Grandad's Socks” with a splash. Breathing slowing down. Back to bed. Luke opens same eye, looks reproachfully at me for disturbing him. Lie down, still fuming. Thump from laundry room followed by loud yowl. Grinning diabolically over yowling, drift back to sleep, thumps and yowling becoming soothing white noise. Sigh/snore from Luke. All is well. Crash from Laundry. - - - 

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