God, Is it Really You?

Is it God?

“I don’t usually write about myself,” to quote another blog from a fellow writer. When I read that, it made me think; I guess I don’t either. I write about my morals and values, but rarely do I share something personal. But today, well…let’s see how it goes. I’m going to get a bit more personal.

My husband and I went to church today and the sermon had one of those messages that makes you say, “Did the pastor write that with me in mind? How did he know?” I hope that Pastor Ron doesn’t mind, but I’m going to share the basic outline of his sermon, and then tell you how it relates to me.

His title was “Knowing God’s Will – The Filters.” I’m going to change it just a little to “God, is that really you talking to me?” Over the last few years in particular I have made some changes in my life and I’ve been convinced that God was leading me all the way. Yes? No? After today’s message, my answer is most definitely “YES.”

The first test, or filter, to knowing if what you are doing is the right way that God intends, is to read about it in the Bible. If you can find a similar series of events in the Bible that parallel your situation, then it could very well be God telling you to move forward. CAUTION! Do not pick and choose just a verse here and there that suits your purpose. Read more than one version of the Bible and dissect that verse you’ve found that seems just perfect. It could be that you are reading more into it than intended. After all, the Bible is a book—a very good book, yes—but you wouldn’t choose just one sentence in any other book and assume that that alone was the plot or moral to the story. In some ways, the Bible is the same. Keep in mind that the Old Testament tells of sacrifices, golden idols, and even murder and adultery. In the case of King David, he was guilty of murder with the motive that he wanted the wife of the victim as his own. So don’t take everything in the Old Testament as gospel; a lot did change with the new covenant.

This is where filter #2 two comes in particularly handy and necessary: ask a wise person for advice. WISE–not just your best buddy who thinks the same as you or always goes along with your every scheme. It should be a learned Christian who is well-respected for his or her knowledge.

Filter #3 is to examine the doors in your life. Do you see doors closing or opening? Are there things obviously falling into place for you to make this decision, or obstacles? The fourth test is perhaps something that you can foresee beforehand—or maybe it comes afterwards—but does this decision or change you are embarking upon bring you inner peace or turmoil? And finally #5, if you do this—whatever it is—will it glorify God in any way, or is it simply all about you? You may argue that God wants you to be happy and a new Ferrari would bring you extreme happiness, but really? Are you sure? Wouldn’t you have a lot of turmoil about the payments, the insurance, and the possibility of theft or an accident? What about speeding tickets?

OK, enough of the what-ifs; now I’ll give you a bit of insight into my personal choice that I made a few years ago. I felt—and still do—that it was a God choice.

In the spring of 2004 I was living in Kansas; I had my dream job, a nice house (all paid for), and a hefty bank account. I was also very involved with my local church and had some really good friends that I was as close to as my family. Additionally, I was living within easy driving distance of most of my family whom I love very much. I had just finished landscaping my backyard which was very shady and retreat-like. I’d remodeled my town house by adding on a sunroom and spent thousands of dollars updating the kitchen. But back up a bit—I was newly divorced as well. In fact, I was twice divorced and feeling quite content to be single the rest of my life. My two children were in college, I had a pet cat…blah, blah, blah…I had a good thing going!

Then, out of the blue one sunny Sunday afternoon I was lying on my couch reading and contemplating on a nap, when I had a thought pop into my brain about a long-lost sweetheart. And it was more than just a thought; I heard a voice telling me to find Tim White. Tim had been my high-school boyfriend for about three years, but I was a year older than him so I when I went away to college he stayed behind of course to finish high school. Long story short—we broke up. I talked to him once or twice after our breakup, and knew that he had eventually moved to the Seattle area and got married. But other than that, I really didn’t have a clue. I hadn’t thought about him for many years. I had heard that he was divorced a couple years ago, but I didn’t really know anything else.

I tried to ignore the voice—like I said—I had a good life, and was very well settled with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. I did not want to ever think about getting married again. After all—what would people think? Three marriages? What’s wrong with that lady?

But I kept hearing the voice, God’s voice. “Find Tim White.” Finally, not able to avoid it any longer, I made a phone call to a mutual friend, and asked him if he could get me in touch with Tim. He was thrilled to help out, and on Mother’s Day of 2004 the phone rang, and it was Tim! I would have known his voice anywhere! We talked and talked—it was wonderful! My knees were shaking and I discovered that he was indeed single now—same as me–and the spark was reignited! We’d been talking for about an hour when all of a sudden his phone died!

Well, now if you remember the 5 filters, #3 was to ask if the doors are opening or closing. As I look back I remember being confused. Was this an open door? Or did my fingers just get slammed in the closing door? He didn’t call back. He’d given me his number, but when I tried to call him, it went to voice mail.

That was Sunday afternoon. He didn’t call me on Monday…and by then I was frantic! Why did God get us together for an hour-long conversation, and then abruptly end it? Was this some kind of joke? But alas, on Tuesday evening Tim called me back. His cell phone had died and he didn’t have a land-line. He’d gotten a replacement phone on Monday evening, and from that day forward we talked every day. It was actually a very nice way to get reconnected to an old beau. We told each other about everything–our families, our hobbies, our jobs, and even our faith.

His faith—or more specifically, his prayers—were what sealed the deal for me. Tim told me that in March or April he had began praying to God to help him find a woman to love. And it was about that time that I started to hear God’s voice telling me find Tim White. It had to be significant. That voice truly had to be God.

We met up face to face in early July when he came to Kansas, I flew to Washington in September, and we decided to get married. I brought my kids to Washington for Thanksgiving to meet his family, and we were married on New Year’s Day 2005. And life as his wife has been fabulous!

But you may ask, what about the filters? #1 – I read my Bible and I kept finding more and more reasons to be married, not to be single. True, divorce isn’t looked upon favorably in the Bible, but it’s not a mortal sin either. #2 – I talked to my pastor and his wife and introduced them to Tim. I also discussed the situation with my small group of fellow Christian ladies who met regularly at my house and with my Red Hat friends. Everyone agreed that I should marry him and move to Washington. #3–my perfect job was losing some of its luster (that door was starting to close). More and more structure and regulations were initiated and I was starting to lose confidence in myself that I could do the job well even though I’d never received any criticism. My mother had a scare with breast cancer about that time, but after surgery and treatments, she was cured. I wasn’t 100% sure if I could leave behind my family and friends, but I felt pretty sure that I was making the right choice.

In answer to test number 4, “Was, I was very much at peace with my decision to marry Tim?” Yes, I was astonished at how quickly I made up my mind to move and marry, but it has never felt wrong—no turmoil involved. And finally, did my decision bring glory to God? I believe it did. Even though I was involved with a local church, I wasn’t really doing much to satisfy God’s command to spread His name throughout the earth. (There are 18 places in the Bible where He tells us to do this; I think He means it!) But now, with the love and support of my husband Tim, I’ve been able to write and publish five Christian novels–and this blog. My books are not “in-your-face” dramatic Christianity, but more subtle. The characters lead good Christian lives and because of their faith, prayers, and commitment to following God, interesting and amusing plots unfold.

I have written a four-book-series entitled “Goldstone Inn.” Volumes 1 and 2 have parallels in the story quite similar to my own love story of my reunion with my husband. The main characters, Lucy and Jedidiah set about tearing down an old stone barn and rebuilding it into a magnificent inn with the assistance of a 25 million dollar inheritance. It is in the inn that they eventually get married in Volume 3, “Goldstone Weddings.” Lucy has a bit of a romantic soul and in Volume 2 she adds an all-inclusive wedding retreat to Goldstone Inn and builds a magnificent stone church as well. The fourth in the series, “Christmas at Goldstone Inn”, is still awaiting production, but will hopefully be available by Christmas 2013. In this, the last of the series, there are grandchildren being born into Lucy and Jedidiah’s family, and also a surprise adoption –two more sons join their clan.

My fifth book is named “Son of a Nun.” The cover of the book pictures a nun in profile, and there is quite a lot of Catholic back story in the plot. In this book, which was actually the first that I wrote, a pair of investigators (Adam and Barbie), are called upon to search for a young man who has ran away. Unbeknownst to Adam, this young man is actually a child he fathered with his high-school girlfriend, Marilee. When Adam and Barbie arrive on the scene, they discover that Marilee has been a nun for over 20 years. Shortly after finding the run-away son, Barbie learns of secrets and indescribable indiscretions in Marilee’s family. Before she can reveal what she has found, she is drugged, kidnapped, and held captive by Marilee’s twin sister who was believed to be dead.

So, back to my real life, not the fiction of my Christian characters, if I hadn’t followed God’s directions in the spring of ’04, I would have most likely never have written and published my stories. It is through my books that I am spreading the word of God. I don’t want any glory for myself—I simply want people to read them and to understand that with God’s hand in your life and his spirit in your heart—you too can have a beautiful life. You won’t always necessarily have a hefty bank account—you may lose your savings when the market falls and you can’t sell your home. I had that pitfall when it took me several months to get my house sold in Kansas, and finally just had to let it go for a lesser amount and move on. No regrets—I have a truly wonderful life in Washington with my husband—my gift from God!