Chapter 3: The Twins Continued

Chapter 3: The Twins Continued

             I didn’t pal around with the Twins much after I dropped out of high school.  I worked as a house painter when they were in college at the University of Washington. Even though we weren’t in school together, I was able to keep up with them through the neighbor girl (the one that had the “mortified to death” cat) as she was smart enough to go to college, not like me who had to settle for painting houses. If you can’t guess what the Twins studied in college by now I suggest you stop reading this book and try something easier. Since the readers that are left did guess correctly, I won’t have to tell you that they both took up the study of politics which is called Political Science.  Frank joined the Young Democrats which made his mother Ann very happy, while Ike joined the Young Republicans which helped keep their parents together since it sort of maintained the political balance in the family.  Ike became the Student Body President while Frank became the head of the Board of Control.  If I have to tell you that they continued the same political fights into college they started as kids you haven’t been paying much attention to what I’ve already wrote (written?). That doesn’t matter really.  I just wanted you to come away from what I’ve written about the Twins up to now knowing that Frank was a Democrat and Ike a Republican, and that they never could agree on anything as long as I knew them.  Would it surprise you to learn that Frank named his first daughter Lynda Bird and Ike named his first daughter Julie?  I didn’t think so.  Well I could write lots more about the lives of Frank and Ike, but this book is really about the notes I took and our life.  I just need to add that both Twins ended up in the State House in Olympia, Washington on opposite sides of the aisle where they could continue fighting and be paid for it. 

In order for you to understand the full gravity of their fighting positions I have to give you some background to the fateful day when the Twins faced off across the aisle and said “Well, why don’t you then?” to each other at exactly the same time.  Now, it wasn’t like the voice that commanded me to begin writing, but it was pretty impressive.  I know this for a fact since this happened on the very day I started taking notes and was beginning my second career as a note taker. I can accurately convey it to you as I was there in person to hear it.  I probably should have called this chapter something else since I’m changing topics, but I’ll try to slide by, by starting a new paragraph.  I notice that some authors that find themselves in this same pickle will break their chapters down in sections that are separated by a larger space than regular paragraphs, but I think this is just to hide the fact that they didn’t plan ahead, as I didn’t.  Since I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not, I’ll press on with the next paragraph, but first the word “pickle” brings a thought to mind.  I know that people use this phrase all the time and Alice will be the first to tell you that I use it too, but what does it really mean? Most people will tell you that being in a pickle is probably not something that you want to be in, but from the pickle’s point of view they are just where they want to be and wouldn’t see it as a problem.  As I see myself the pickle in this story I don’t have to apologize, but I still have to start the next paragraph.  Alice wants to show a visitor my notes, so I’ll continue after I take care of my public.

            That was a nice couple from New York visiting the neighbors, but they had problems understanding the exact nature of the stack of notes I took.  When they found out that I was writing a book using the notes, they asked for a signed copy when I finished.  Now I guess I’m stuck to finish this book since I promised to sign a copy, so I better get back to the story of the Twins.  Now I don’t follow politics very closely and Alice will be the first to tell you that I don’t follow it at all.  Maybe I’ve voted in half of the elections.  I’ve got enough trouble just trying to get by in this life, and to tell you the truth, all the political fighting by the Twins when I was a kid just plain tired me out and ruined me for any type of political career.  Not that I could have had one, only being a house painter and all (although my friends tell me that a wrestler got elected), but like I said already, the Twins wrecked any chance I had. I didn’t care about politics, but I like a good show as much as anyone and since I had gotten tired of watching the tube I welcomed the three-day show put on by the networks when the WTO (that’s the World Trade Organization)  came to Seattle.  This was way before we moved outside of Spokane and before the Great Divide took place.  Actually, I don’t really know what the WTO did, but it was obvious by the number of people protesting that it must have done something that they didn’t like.  Well, it was a good show, especially watching people steal things right in front of the video camera so all their friends could see how good they looked on TV.  Now, I might just be a house painter with a wife named Alice, but even I wouldn’t steal something and then mug for the camera.  Well, I guess a case could be made that I’m not just a house painter anymore because I have one order for a signed copy of my book, so maybe I’m smarter than I used to be, but even when I was only a house painter I wouldn’t have been so stupid. 

            Now you know that the whole WTO mess was a great show for people that were tired of normal TV, but after it was over most people just wanted to get back to their lives and maybe watch some wrestling.  But, the politicians couldn’t leave it alone.  I didn’t normally read the paper at that time, and especially I didn’t read the political section, but Alice did and she kept me informed.  Speaking of Alice, she just stuck her head over my shoulder and informed me that the paper doesn’t have a political section, so I guess you had better believe me when I tell you that I didn’t follow politics, since I didn’t even know the paper didn’t have a political section.  So, Alice told me that the politicians couldn’t quit talking about the WTO debacle.  Alice thought it was because they thought someone should be blamed for such an awful mess and they were trying their hardest to make sure it wasn’t them.  I figured myself that they were trying to stick someone with the multi-mullion dollar bill that no one wanted to pay, and they were trying their hardest to make sure it was someone else.  My friend April (the “mortified to death” cat owner’s daughter) was sure it was because politicians just like to talk and it was a timely topic.  About this time you’re probably wondering what the WTO has to do with dividing Washington State, or me starting to take notes. Well, I just wanted to have an excuse to mention April in my book because it some small way it might make up for the fact that her cat died of mortification on account of my laughter.  However, fight between the Democrats and the Republicans over the WTO fiasco did increase the animosity between the Twins.

            I hope you still remember as I related in the first chapter that I had built the worlds largest note stacker pointed rod, but had fallen into depression when I couldn’t think of anything to take notes about.  About the time I was pretty depressed, Alice hit me with the idea of taking her to see the rose garden at the state capital in Olympia. I was in between house painting jobs.  I didn’t really have any ready excuses, but I tried to dig some up anyway.  Now, this book isn’t going to be one of those “ how to” books that are so popular where the author gives out all sorts of advice that they never follow themselves, but I think that some of you could learn from my mistakes.  As I told you before if you want to dig up an excuse to get out of something, like taking your wife to a rose garden, put a little more time into it than the half a second I took, and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head.  All Alice said in reply was that and if I didn’t want to embarrass myself further I should get dressed and take her.  I just sat there trying the silent treatment, pretending not to see her, but what I said about taking some time to think when you want to dig up an excuse also applies to starting the silent treatment before you have figured out how to end it.  Actually, taking her to the Rose Garden wouldn’t have been so bad, but before I could tell her, Alice played the Fifi card. 

“Fifi would like to get out and smell the roses,” and “Fifi has been looking a little pale lately and could use a nice car ride and walk.”

This was accompanied by holding Fifi up so I could see her little sad poodle dog face.  I guess if Fifi could have seen into the future and known what part Alice would have in her unfortunate incident she wouldn’t have been so anxious to pal around with Alice. I was going to give in, but now that Alice had played the Fifi card I had to be careful.  Giving in so quickly could set a dangerous precedent with respect to future use of the Fifi card.  So I didn’t respond, but kept on with the silent treatment, not knowing how to end it in my favor.  Well, Alice sure figured out how to end it without having to do much thinking.  She went into the kitchen and took out a package all wrapped up nicely in birthday paper, came back into the front room and put it on my lap.  It was a birthday present and she said that it looked like this was as good a good time as any to give it to me.  It was note paper where each page had the inscription, “These notes taken by D. W. ‘Frank’ Franklin” printed in gold lettering on the top.  I guess that I don’t have to tell you that she already had me at that point, but Alice saying “You can’t take notes sitting in your pajamas feeling sorry for yourself, so get up and get going you –”closed the deal. 

When we got to the rose garden, try as I might, I couldn’t whip up any enthusiasm for taking notes about it.  Since Alice had been so nice to get me inscribed note paper, though, I felt like I had to take notes on something.  So I excused myself from Alice and Fifi and wandered into the building where the state legislature was meeting.  I hadn’t seen the Twins for a long time, but I recognized them immediately.  Ike had gotten a little heavier and Frank a little grayer and it didn’t hurt my recollection to see that they were yelling at each other across the aisle separating the Republicans from the Democrats. It was something about the election for Governor. As you already know I wasn’t really interested in the election, but feeling shamed by Alice, I started to take notes.  I can’t give you an accurate description of what was exactly said for the first hour I sat there, as even though I was shamed by Alice, I wasn’t shamed enough at first to begin taking notes, so I won’t be so brazen as to stick what they said in quotes. (Just as an aside, I worried about using the word “brazen” in this sentence to refer to an action I took, since being a man I’m of the male gender and I have a gut feeling that “brazen” should always be used in conjunction with people of the female gender, such as “brazen hussy” and similar usage.  However, Alice reminded me that with the equality of the sexes in the new millenium it was okay and even good to break out of the box, so to speak, to be modern and keep “brazen” as I first wrote it.  That’s okay.  I can bend feelings on “brazen,” but don’t expect me to use the word “gift” as a verb in this book.  Lord knows, the book Moby Dick certainly was long enough, and if “gift” isn’t used anywhere in that book as a verb, forget it, I’m not going to use it either.) 

Well, I know I said that I wasn’t going to use quotes because I hadn’t yet started to take notes on exactly what was said, but I can’t think of an easy way to write this without using quotes.  As a compromise, I’m going to use single quotes to indicate that the quote is not exactly perfect, but as close as I can remember.  I figure that the editor will have to struggle with this one, but if “gift” can be used as a verb, I should be able to use single quotes any way that I want in my book.  Besides, other authors (that I won’t mention here, but you know who you are), use the convention of historical fiction to make the past more interesting and real.  It’s where they pretend to have actually been present during the exchange they are writing about (between, typically some important historical figures) so they can write the scene like they were there and use real quotes.  Since I’m only using single quotes, and they can make money making up conversations, so can I.  So the Twins’ exchange went something like this, which I’m rendering in the spirit of historical fiction so as to give it more validity.

Frank: ‘This whole election mess started because you Republicans wanted to mislead people, so that your rich friends could make a bigger profit.’

Ike: ‘If you Democrats and your “bleeding heart” friends hadn’t coddled slackers, there would be enough profits for everyone to share.’ 

Frank: ‘I suppose you think the solution is to hand over this state to developers so they can finish raping it?’

Ike: ‘No one ever made a dime by hugging trees.’

Frank: ‘That’s the trouble with you people.  You think our problems can be solved by tax breaks.’

Ike: ‘It’s the criminals that you Democrats feel sorry for that get let out and murder innocent people.’

Frank: ‘They wouldn’t be in prison in the first place if you Republicans spent some money on helping families.’

Ike: ‘We spend lots of money on helping families.’

Frank: ‘Helping rich families get richer.’

Ike: ‘Without the rich your poor friends wouldn’t have any jobs.’

Frank: ‘Except they can’t afford to get to their jobs.’

Ike: ‘Just what do you mean by that remark?’

Frank: ‘You know what I mean.  You Republicans always gut the money for public transportation.’

Ike: ‘It’s time that people paid the real cost of what they use.’

Frank. ‘Like how the rich pay the real cost of what they use?’

Ike:  ‘They sure pay a hell of a lot more than your transit-riding friends.’

Frank: ‘I suppose if you had your way there wouldn’t be public transportation.’

Ike: ‘I suppose if you had your way, we’d all be broke, if we weren’t murdered first.’

Frank: ‘I suppose that you and your Republican friends think you could run this State better.’

Ike: ‘I suppose that you and your Democrat friends think you could run this State better.’

Frank: ‘Put your money where your mouth is!’

Ike: ‘I’d like to have the chance!’ 

Now I have to break into this exchange since this brings us (myself and you readers) to the very moment that I started taking notes.  It was 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time on February 10, 2010 when the Twins pointed their fingers at each other and said those fateful words in unison, “Well, why don’t you then?”  Notice that I’ve used regular quotes around what they said since this was in my first notes and I could give you an exact reading. 

Well, I guess that no one else thought the words “Well, why don’t you then?” were so fateful, as the papers didn’t even bother to quote what they said.  Anyway, my first note-taking session had finally gotten started, but it got cut short as Alice wanted to get home to cook dinner.  Whoever said “cookin’ lasts” and so on was just about right on the money, so I didn’t argue, and besides the “new” Alice hadn’t arrived yet.  That night I showed Alice my first note before I stuck it down over the rod. We celebrated by going out to a drive in.  That way Fifi could come with us.  I guess we wouldn’t have been so happy if we could have only seen at the time what the words “why don’t you then” started  and we know now from what happened that at least one poodle dog couldn’t see the future (in case anyone thinks that dogs can).