Chapter 5: The Great Divide Continued

Chapter 5: The Great Divide Continued

Well, I was undecided whether to tell you in detail about how the state was divided up since in a way it’s old history, but I’ll just give a quick overview in case any of you have forgotten. Besides, telling the story will get me in the mood for what I have to write next about the fiasco on Snoqualmie Pass.   For those of you that don’t know, Snoqualmie Pass is on the main road between Western and Eastern Washington and comes at the crest of the Cascade Mountains, on the dividing line between the two halves.

Like I said, everyone was so excited about the chance of a break in the political fighting that they jumped at the opportunity to split the state. The national party Democrats and Republicans didn’t care how the state was run, and it was fine with them if each party wanted to run a different section of Washington with separate governors.  The Cascade Mountains made a natural dividing line between Western and Eastern Washington, as I have already stated.  Since Eastern Washington was already mostly Republican or favored the Republican ideas, Eastern Washington was given to the Republicans to run.  That left Western Washington to the Democrats by default.  Well, I said separate governors for each side, but that wasn’t really what happened.  Having two governors for the same state wierded some people out, so the “head” of Western and Eastern Washington was to be a leader of each political party.  Now I used the term “wierded out” in the last sentence to appeal to the younger readers who might use such language.  My computer had flagged “wierded” as not a real word, but it’s staying in.  Being wierded out is like being freaked out or spazzed out, for you that are older. However, being freaked or spazzed out normally involves some odd body movements with jerking and twitching.  Wierded out is more cerebral.  A person that is wierded out would probably look normal during the wierding out.  They might have a slight look of disgust on their face, but that’s about it.  Maybe some people were spazzed, but since I wasn’t there to see them I’ll stick with wierded out.  I’ll end this paragraph by telling you that Frank was the new head of Western Washington and Ike was the new head of Eastern Washington, which posed a problem for their mother.  This problem involved where would she live as not to weird out one of the Twins, but I’ll tell you about that after I tell you where Alice and I ended up.

As you know I wasn’t interested in politics, which made it difficult to choose which side of the Cascades to live in.  But, as you should know, Alice was interested in politics, so I relied on her to decide for us.  We had all of Eastern Washington for a choice if we wanted live on the Republican side and Western Washington for the Democratic side.  We even had a choice to be on the Republican side on the west side of the mountains if we might be more partial to the weather there.  How did that happen?  Since Eastern Washington was landlocked, and the Democrats were in a generous mood they gave the Republicans the city of Shelton as a port on Puget Sound. This suited the residents of Shelton just fine since the last Democrat living in Shelton had left years ago along with the last Spotted Owl.   I had a hunch that Alice might favor the Eastside from snippets of what she had said in the past. Now I wrote some of these down in my notes so I can quote her directly, and not resort to the use of the single quote as for the historical conversation.  In the past (before the great Divide) Alice did say that “taxes are killing us” and “we’re being killed by taxes” and “we might as well be dead for all the taxes we pay” and “we’re being taxed to death.”  Alice would get on a theme as a way of expressing herself then stick with it until she suddenly stopped using that theme and switched to another.  You’ve probably guessed that she was stuck on the theme of death for a while.

  I knew a man that was the same way about eating.  I worked with him and he ate the same food for lunch every day.  He had an egg and onion sandwich five days a week.  He got hooked on egg and onion sandwiches after he watched the movie, “Harvey” – you know the one with the large white rabbit.  I asked him if he ever got tired of egg and onion sandwiches.  “Nope” he replied, “I’ll never tire of them.”  This went on for three years. Then three years to the day he watched Harvey, we were eating lunch together.  He was chewing away on his sandwich when he suddenly stopped eating and just stared into the distance. 

“This [sandwich] is wierding me out” was all he said. 

He then very carefully folded the rest of the sandwich away in his lunch pail.  The next day he came to work with a ham sandwich.  Now I’ll have to check my notes for this to get it right.  In my notes it states he ate ham sandwiches for three years to the day he was wierded out by egg and onion.  Then he suddenly switched to turkey.  Go figure.  Alice jumped into the death theme when a neighbor was killed in a farm accident (don’t ask about the details as I won’t relate them).  If I do then “you’ll be sorry.”

So, I was telling you about Alice and where we ended up living.  I figured we would end up under the Republicans, from what Alice had said in the past, but who knew if Alice would suddenly shift like my friend and his sandwiches.  Checking my notes I see the first thing Alice said on the subject was, “Frank, wouldn’t you like greater opportunity, more freedom, and control over your own life?”  Before I could answer her she continued, “Wouldn’t you like to be a part of an ownership society?  Freedom and ownership will make people more responsible and they will be more diligent citizens.” 

I was a little fuzzy about this “ownership society” business, but who could argue against more diligent citizens, and freedom.  Besides, who could argue against Alice when she had made up her mind?  So I became a member of the great Ownership Society.  We moved from Seattle to several acres just outside of the city of Spokane in Eastern Washington.  On the day we moved we got to Snoqualmie Pass early so we could watch all the festivities on that first day of the Great Migration, which turned into the Great Fiasco.

Now that Frank and Ike had their own sides of the state to run, they were much nicer to each other.  Now they seemed like real brothers.  They agreed (without one minute of fighting) to have a month where people could move from one side of the mountains to the other in order to live under the party of their choosing and receive tax breaks and other bonuses for switching sides. The first day of the Great Migration, as they named it, was to be on August 1, 2010.  Anyone that crossed Snoqualmie Pass on the first day would receive extra prizes.  Both the Democrats and the Republicans set up large banners across the freeway at the summit of the pass.  The Republican banner faced west and the Democratic banner faced east.  According to my notes, the Republican banner read, “Welcome to the Great Ownership Society.”  On a smaller banner below the larger banner it read, “We Support Our Country 100%.”  The single Democratic banner read “The Citizens of Western Washington Welcome You.”

 Both parties had booths set up on their sides of the pass with information for the new citizens along with free food and drinks.  The Republicans had a band playing marches and other patriotic songs.  Not to be outdone the Democrats had their own band playing Jazz and Blues favorites.  As I already said, Alice and I got there early so we wouldn’t miss anything.  As we crossed over to the Republican side Alice blurted out, “Free at last, free at last, thank God we’re free at last!”  I was a little excited myself.  We stopped for tax breaks and free food and drinks.   All the various Eastern Washington churches had booths set up.  Alice stopped and picked up their free information.  We had never gone to church in our lives so I was a little bit puzzled.  Alice said, “I know, Frank, we don’t go to church, but we’ll want to fit in over here.  Besides, we can help put Christ back in Christmas.” 

I never knew that he was taken out, but Christmas would only be “mas” without Christ so I was all for putting him back in.  Ike was there along with other important Republicans.  I shook his hand and we reminisced about old times. I wanted to see Frank also, so I walked over to the Democratic side of the pass.  As it turned out I spent the better part of the day on the Democratic side, as events there were too interesting to miss. 

When I walked over to the Democratic side of the pass Frank was there to greet me.  The Democrats were looking toward Eastern Washington with hopeful expressions.  Long lines of cars were coming into Eastern Washington from the west, but not a single car was to be seen coming west from the Eastside. The whole time Frank was talking to me he was looking over my shoulder toward Eastern Washington.  He didn’t act like anything was the matter, but I could see that he was getting anxious.  The other booths were mostly manned by groups concerned about the environment.  They looked a little anxious also. 

There was a nice spread of food on the table, but the Democratic Greeters were refraining from eating any in order to save it for the new arrivals.  At about eleven Frank made a short speech to the Democrats.  His exact words are in my notes. 

He said, “Don’t lose heart, Democrats like to sleep in.  I’m sure you would like to dig into the food, but let’s leave it for the newcomers.”

Then he went on about what a great opportunity they had, et cetera.  As soon as he finished speaking the band broke into a spirited Dixieland rendition of “Happy Days Are Here Again.”  About three in the afternoon the Republicans had to send out for more food and drinks, while the Democrats were still looking toward the east for their first customers.  The Democratic band tried to keep everyone’s spirits up, but they were looking a little hang dog themselves.  They had gone from Jazz to Blues to Dixieland, and now they were reduced to playing slow spirituals.  The whole bunch looked pretty dejected, so Frank suggested that it wouldn’t hurt if they started snacking on the food.  Over the next several hours the Democrats waited, watched and ate. 

The sun was starting to set and the band was just on the second chorus of “No Body Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” when a lone car approached from the east. The band quickly switched into “Hello My Baby” as a 1950 Hudson slowly crossed under the banner and coasted to a quiet stop.  Out stepped an elderly lady, who according to my notes was eighty-two on July 8th.  She was instantly surrounded by excited Democrats welcoming her to Western Washington.  Frank took her over to the food table, which by this time looked pretty sparse.  Someone had quickly arranged all the remaining food on a single platter and straightened up the table which helped a little.  Unfortunately for her, she was a lifelong vegetarian and the only item left was meatballs.  Later on it was determined that she was the last registered democrat in Eastern Washington.

Everyone put on a good face, but they were mostly quiet when they packed up.  Frank made one last try at a speech to rally the troops.  It was something about how there was great rejoicing in Heaven when even one soul was saved, et cetera.  I didn’t take notes on his speech as Alice was anxious to get driving.  So began my life in the Ownership Society.  Oh, I almost didn’t tell you how the Twins’ mother solved her problem.  Since the Twins were now friends again, they cooperated and built her a house at Snoqualmie Pass, right on the dividing line between Western and Eastern Washington.  When she slept her head was Republican and her feet were Democrat, as she liked to sleep facing west.  This reminds me of a story about sleeping facing east, which I will tell you in the next chapter